Learning to Dance Ballroom Like the Stars

Have you ever watched the show Dancing with the Stars on ABC and wished you could learn to dance just like they learned to dance? I understand completely as both my wife and I have also wondered and wished this same thing when we watched the show.

Being a man though that is not ordinary I suppose I will admit to not being ashamed to liking, ok let me be honest here, loving to be with out with my wife. Yes that means that being with your wife also can mean dancing and having a wonderful time not just being in a pub shooting pool or whatever else you like to do guys.

I realized that after watching the TV show Dancing with the Stars that is it possible to learn dancing in a better way then just going around trying to dance the way I danced in High School. It wasn't sexy nor pretty those kind of movements, and now at my age it probably isn't that good for me either. Laugh if you may!

Now that brings up another point, the topic of being good for ones health too. I have noticed that this Show Dancing with the Stars also benefits our fitness and body shape. The Stars seem to becoming more and more fit each and every week, their shapes and sizes changing so dramatically, so quickly as I sat there on the couch eating. So who really gave it any thought that dancing The Rhumba, The Samba, The Tango, The Jive, The Waltz, The Cha Cha or The Tango could make exercise such an enjoyable experience and with such huge benefits too. Well I certainly didn't realize it but now I am reaping the benefits.

Guys, lets get back to us, can you see yourself on the dance floor, moving to the beats of Salsa, Samba, Waltz's and even the Tango with other guys in the room looking at you with envy? That is something that can happen to you as it is happening for me as my wife and I playfully learn to dance the Salsa using the Let's Dance Louis DVD Set. After we get this Salsa Dance completed we have 7 other dances to learn. I think we will try learning the Latin Dances first.

Lastly, there are more benefits to this learning to dance opportunity my wife and I have ventured onto and this is the best, absolutely the best thing that happens from ballroom dancing with my wife cheek to cheek. I am pretty sure you have figured it out already, and it is that our relationship has prospered, flourished, back to the point when our time spent together was filled with passion, excitement and laughter.

Now I think that this has been an excellent investment to my future life with my wife if not the best investment of my life.

Jogging in the Snow

Attention joggers: It's okay to take the day off from jogging, if there is a blinding snowstorm going on! Repeat... you don't have to jog during a snowstorm! Jack La Lane, or whatever guru you're following, will forgive you! You're jogging muscles will not turn into bags of K-Y Jelly if you fail to participate one day! The only people who should be jogging in a snowstorm are those in training for the Minsk 5K in mid January, or if you're too dumb to realize what a hazard you are for people trying to drive!

Okay. You caught me. You probably can tell by my first paragraph that I'm a little upset over these overzealous, obnoxiously obsessive runners who feel it necessary to maintain their fitness routine regardless of the weather. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for fitness and jogging is an excellent source of body toning. God bless you men and women out there keeping yourselves fit.

There are, however, a few of your brothers and sisters who must have gotten a 13 on their SAT's, because they're out there, in the worst weather, trying to show their perseverance. Pick up the phone now, don't wait until you finish reading this column, call them and tell them that their lives are in danger.

Let me start at the beginning. Last winter, I had the pleasure of driving to work in a snowstorm that could only be labeled, "The Snowstorm Nobody Wanted." It wasn't a nice, gently falling snow that crunches under your tires when you drive on it. It was a blowing, wet snow mixed with rain, sleet and Campbell's Consommé. Accompanied with a 50 mile per hour wind, which blew the snow sideways, it was like driving through a tunnel of Venetian blinds. The roads were slicker than David Schwimmer's hair. It was a driver's nightmare.

Amidst all this meteorological mayhem, I saw not one, not two, but three people jogging. They weren't jogging on the sidewalk. They were jogging in the street, like they would be les likely to fall if they ran in the street.

One woman was actually jogging in this perilous precipitation with an umbrella. Could someone please explain the rationale behind this? I mean, it was thirty degrees, snow was coming at her sideways like thousands of stickpins, winds gusting up to 50 miles per hour, and here was this woman running while holding an umbrella. What's the umbrella for, lady? Your handicap? Don't you think you'd end up drier if you tried swimming the English Channel?

Another jogger, who had been jogging on the sidewalk, decided he didn't like the side of the street he was jogging on and jumped over the curb, just as I was approaching him. Nice move, Ex-Lax. Here I am, driving on a street of ball bearings, and this single celled amoeba decides to jump in front of me and then he does his Charlie Chaplin imitation of slipping on ice.

Now, I think I'm a pretty courteous guy. (I say, "Excuse me" if I belch and there's no one around.) So, the last thing I want to do is spray cold, wet, dirty snow on someone as they're trying to keep physically fit. However, if a car is coming at me in the opposite direction, I feel it necessary to move to the right, which, of course, causes my car to throw an icy overcoat on any poor pedestrian in the way.

So, from now on, here are the new rules for drivers should they go into a skid:

1. Sit back and enjoy the view. (I didn't know there was a deli in that mini-mall. I must try it as soon as I get out of intensive care.)

2. Aim for the jogger who made you go into the skid in

the first place.

In all fairness, I feel I should issue new rules for the joggers, too. So, here they are. Rules for jogging in a blizzard:

1. Don't.

A blizzard is an excellent day for you to stay home, make a nice cup of diet hot cocoa, play Scrabble with the family and watch a prerecorded video. (Exception: Marathon Man.) And, if you do feel a sudden spark of energy flash through your system, and you absolutely must exercise, then, by all means, come over to my house and shovel my driveway.

The Best Blonde Jokes

Blonde jokes are based on the premise that people (primarily women) with blonde hair are naive, gullible, and...well, just plain stupid. You would think that this simple premise would get old - but lo and behold it does not, the best blonde jokes are alive and well in the 21st century! For some reason, like being attracted to the tabloids at the supermarket checkout counter, I just can't get enough of them, so I present to you the best blonde jokes I know of - and I hope that they make you crack a smile and laugh the rest of the day!

Blonde Joke #1: "Blonde on the lookout"

A redhead was well over the speed limit when she asked her blonde passenger, "See any cops behind us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "Hey, yeah, I do." "Damn!" said the redhead. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde replied, "Yep, nope. Yep, nope. Yep, nope."

Blonde Joke #2: "First Class to Vegas"

The blonde plopped down in First Class in spite of her Coach ticket. The stewardess informed her, "Miss, you're going to have to move to your seat." But the blonde merely smiled smugly. "Honey, you don't understand: I'm cute, I'm blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I'm going to be rich." Even the head stewardess couldn't make her move. "I'm cute, I'm blonde, and when I get to Las Vegas, I'm going to be rich." Finally the Captain was summoned. He whispered in the blonde's ear, she gave him a surprised look, then stood up and moved quietly to Coach. The stewardesses were impressed. "What did you say to get her to leave?" "Oh, I just told her 'First Class doesn't stop in Las Vegas!'"

Blonde Joke #3: "Blonde Diagnosis"

"Doc, you've got to help me," said the cute young redhead. "I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" asked the doctor. She touched her right knee with her finger. "Ow, that hurts." She touched her left cheek. "Ow, that really hurts!" Then she touched her shoulder. "OW! Even THAT hurts!" The doctor grew suspicious. "Are you a natural blonde?" he asked. "Why, yes," she replied. "how did you know?" "Oh, lucky guess," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."

Blonde Joke #4: "Blonde Cruise"

A blonde walking by a travel agency notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special - $99!" She goes inside, hands the agent her money, and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, pushes her in and leaves her, floating downstream. A few minutes later another blonde passes by, sees the sign, goes inside, and pays for the $99 cruise special. She receives the same treatment. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. As they float along, side-by-side, the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?" The other replies, "They didn't last year!"

Blonde Joke #5: "Alligator Shoes"

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration . .

"CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

Blonde Joke #6: "Trapped!"

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were trapped in a burning building. Firemen arrived and spread out the blanket. "Jump! It's your only chance!" they cried. The brunette jumped and Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away. The brunette smashed into the sidewalk. "Jump!" the firemen yelled to the redhead. "Oh, no!" the redhead cried. "You'll pull the blanket away!" "No, no! It's brunettes we can't stand! We love redheads!" "Well, okay," said the redhead, as she jumped. Swish! the firemen yanked the blanket away and she smashed into the sidewalk. Finally, it was the blonde's turn. "Jump!" yelled the firemen. "No way!" yelled the blonde. "You'll just pull the blanket away again!" "No, we won't. We won't pull the blanket away. We love blondes!" The blonde was adamant. "Nothing you say will convince me! Now put that blanket down and step away from it..."

Subversive Middle Age Behavior

Arrest me now. I may not be Arab, Muslim, or male but I do fit the profile of the two schmucks currently being much maligned by the FBI and the local papers for their "suspicious activities." You see, I once lived in a fundamentalist Muslim country and was married to a Palestinian. I grew up in a small southern town where the tallest building was the Merchants and Farmer's Bank and so I often stare up at the buildings in Seattle and any other large city I happen to be wandering.

I was a civil engineer in my previous career and find myself fascinated by bridges, viaducts, railroad bridges, locks, dams, and other key pieces of urban infrastructure. I sometimes go on line to study architectural drawings. I have even been known to photograph these critical pieces as well as churches, mosques, and even the airplanes on the tarmac at SEATAC. I live on an island and yet I am still fascinated by the roar of the engines and the speed of the water as it rushes beneath me on the ferry. I still take pictures of the skyline, the Colman Docks, the stern, the bow, the galley, and other urban places that interest me on the ferries that come and go from our bucolic little island port. I once took a picture of the cute little coast guard fellow on the ramp leading to the boat because he was just cute as hell in his battle dress.

There are more subversives in my family to arrest as well. Consider my son who is a commissioned officer in the US military currently training at a prestigious flight school sponsored by Uncle Sam. Seems to me he should be an object of great concern. Could he, an Irish/Cherokee/ Scottish/Arab American, be a deeply embedded covert Al Qaeda operative? Due to his deep-seated ancestral roots steeped in carnage and jihadist tribal behaviors could this red-blooded Arab American boy turn? Could he possibly be pre-programmed from infancy to ride his aircraft into a large building all in the name of Allah? Why else would he have gone to university to study to be an aviator? Why else would he have joined the military? He has to be a mole for Osama and the Boys!

How did the Arabs become the bad guys? When did we become so steeped in this new brand of ignorant isolationist bigotry? Islam, Muslim, Arab, Jihad. These words strike fear into the hearts of the ignorant masses of our country. FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, Patriot Act. These are the words that should strike fear in our hearts. They are the weapons of Mass Destruction. Being scared all the time and spying on my neighbors doesn't seem to be a real productive way to live one's life.

Less than a century ago some of the finest men in the world fought against this same oppressive behavior in places called Omaha, Utah, Gold, Juno, and Sword beaches along the coast of Normandy. Have we as a nation forgotten the nationalistic behaviors of the Germans as they sought to rid themselves of their Jewish population? Jews were different looking and accused of manipulating the world monetary institutions thus causing the great depression so they could profit and grow their ambitions.

The NAZI party was a small but vocal group that instituted a system to spy on and seek out subversives who were Jewish or Jewish-looking. Photos and drawings were circulated to help the common folks identify potential suspects. Watched, photographed, and finally the leadership, knowing what was best for the "real" Germans, instituted a plan to take care of their "Jewish threat." Their initial solution? Isolated "work camps" in other countries where Jews and non-conformist others (gays, lesbians, jazz musicians, gypsies, the mentally handicapped, and pacifist clergy to name a few) were sent for further interrogation and evaluation. This was all done in the best interest of the German people by their government.

I feel guilty as hell for all my subversive activities! Where do I turn myself in and to whom? The FBI? The Port Authority? Screw that! Send me the hotties from the Coast Guard!

Top 10 Characters In New Dallas Cowboys Fox Series

The Dallas Cowboys, coming off their crushing playoff loss to the New York Giants in the NFL Playoffs, have announced a prime-time series based on the team to be televised on Fox this off-season. Following is a list of the top 10 characters to be on this prime-time soap opera. The show, aptly named, "Unlikable People Creating Horrible Karma," is the centerpiece of the new Fox season.

#1-Tony Romo, character name "Jinx." Jinx will be known for his ability to melt down in various ways when times get tough. Slippery footballs, weekend trips to Mexico with Jessica Simpson and throwdowns with T.O. will all be part of the drama.

#2-Jessica Simpson, character name "Minx." Minx will throw the Cowboys chemistry upside down by dating Jinx, taking him to Mexico when the team needs him most, and causing all kinds of drama.

#3-T.O., character name "Diva 81." Diva 81 will bring 'da drama on a weekly basis. His needy, almost effeminate desire to be loved and adored will be felt from the first episode. His crying outbursts from Jinx dating hot pop stars and stealing headlines will be on full display. Wait, I mean crying outbursts from the team losing and him caring so much.

#4-Britney Spears, character name "What The Hell Happened?" What The Hell Happened will provide the attempted love triangle between her, Jinx and Minx. What the hell happened will be a former child star with a mess of issues.

#5-Bill Parcells, character name "Big Bill." Deep in the heart of Texas sits Jerry Jones' mortal enemy, Big Bill. Bill will be the competing football man that comes back to take revenge on Jerry Jones (or J.J. as he will be known) and the 'Boys.

#6-Jimmy Johnson, character name "Hair Guy." Hair Guy will be known as the old, lovable ex-coach that led the Cowboys to their past glory. His legendary sense of hair care sensibilities and hair care product knowledge will be focused on.

#7-Bill Belichick, character name "Homeless Coach." A mysterious, homeless-looking man who wears torn garments, Homeless Coach is befriended by Big Bill to run the competing team in town.

#8-Shaq, character name "The Big Guest Star." It wouldn't be drama without The Big Guest Star. Dallas will be rocked by The Big Guest Star, as the basketball phenom whose dream it is to be the best Punter in the world.

#9-Wade Philips, character name "No Playoff Wins." No Playoff Wins is the lovable Coach who couldn't shoot straight. His firing is coming, but until then, he will try his best to lead the Cowboys on the field.

#10-Jerry Jones, character name "J.J." The head honcho of the Dallas Cowboys, J.J., much like his predecessor, J.R., will run the show and be the law of the Cowboys. Big ego and small results lately have made J.J. quite ornery. Watch the sparks fly as he, Jinx, Diva 81 and company come your way this season on Fox.

We have learned that the finale of season one will center around, "Who Shot J.J." Everyone is a suspect, and no stone will be unturned when Dallas' big cheese goes down.

Count on Humor to Show Affection, Saving Face and Making Amends

"Seven, eight, nine, ten," muttered Larry.

Noticing that he was red faced and obviously agitated, I shot Larry a blank stare and asked, "What's going on?"

Exasperated, he filled me in, "Counting to ten!"

Clueless, I pushed on, "Why?" And then it dawned on me. My husband was perturbed...with me? The look on my face advertised my utter disbelief. Traditionally, Larry was the one who was dumbfounded to learn that he had ruffled my feathers. Chuckling at the irony of this moment, we both exploded into laughter.

Laughter devours frustration and defuses anger. It sets the tone and alters the mood in relationships. A sense of humor cushions our emotional response and enables us to let something slide, instead of taking offense or over-reacting. Humor allows us to save face when we blow it.

"Wow! You look nice."

My first impression of Larry's flattery was, "Nice? What happened to looking pretty, beautiful, or "hot?" Longing to enjoy our night out, and determined not to let anything put a damper on it, I whisked away my disparaging thoughts.

Larry picked up on my somber mood, flashed me a grin while arching his eyebrows, and continued to lay it on thick, "You look like you've lost weight."

Even though I had just performed a stretching routine after hopping into my favorite blue jeans so I could button them, I perked up, "I do?"

"Yes, your belly isn't sticking out nearly as much as... Larry's wide-eyed look of panic finished his sentence.

The ball dropped into my court. This was my chance to give my husband exactly what he had coming, "Was that remark supposed to resemble a compliment?" My stoic tone commanded his answer.

Looking down at his feet, Larry choked on his reply, "Yup. That was the plan." Playfully I teased, "I don't believe you meant to offend me, so I am going to give you a chance to make it up to me." His chin popped up. "After you spring for dinner, how would you like to take me to a movie of my choosing?"

Letting out a sigh of relief, Larry promptly recognized he had been had. I glowed triumphantly, because I succeeded in giving Larry what he deserved...the chance to save face. It was payback for those times he had disregarded my careless comments.

There's no better way to create closeness, than when someone demonstrates their love and acceptance of us, despite our shortcomings. So much, that they are willing to take the time and effort to convey our blunders back to us in a positive manner.

The next time someone unintentionally says or does something hurtful to you, refuse to take it personally. Call on your sense of humor to draw attention to their conduct without over-reacting. But don't let them off the hook without first having some fun. Surprise them by behaving completely opposite of how they would expect.

If you need to make amends for your actions, try using playful exaggeration and promise outrageous rewards in exchange for their forgiveness. Remember, on those days when you have misplaced your sense of humor, and don't want to lose your cool... you can always count to ten.

Lois McElravy, Lessons from Lois, works with individuals and organizations who want to learn how to effectively use humor, so they can handle the demands and pressures of work and home, maintain a flexible perspective, produce positive outcomes, and have more fun.

Learning to laugh and "hangin' on with humor" rescued Lois from the distress and despair surrounding her daily life, and initiated her recovery from a brain injury. Her universal message offers hope, motivates participants to be faithful to do the small things, and conquer their challenges one day at a time.

Greatest Artists and Songs

What would current musicians be without the foundation set by the legendary bands and classic artists that came before them?

Vivian Scott at Epic Records spoke the truth when she said that "There would be no new school without the old school". The status of "Legendary" and "Classic" when it comes to music is reserved for the best of the best. Even with thousands of bands with great music, there are always those that stand out from the rest.

If you want to discuss timeless music, Chuck Berry is one of the best places to start. Berry's hit song "Johnny B. Goode" in 1958 is so well known that I doubt any of you read the song title without singing it or hearing it play out in your head. This came from the same decade that brought you "Hound Dog" by the King himself, Elvis Presley, and "I Walk the Line" by Johnny Cash. But don't misinterpret this as age solely defines if a song is a classic. As new generations of music are ushered in, their best artists leave their mark as well. So move forward in time and you'll find: Aretha Franklin ready to teach you a little "Respect"; Van Morrison telling you what we use to sing in "Brown Eyed Girl"; and The Who, reminding you what this time period is all about with "My Generation".

With hundreds or maybe thousands of classic songs out there, no list could do justice to the these great bands. The fact that each decade has left behind it's own legends provides that generation the ability to interpret who should be on that list. Mash-ups and songs covered by newer artist prove the ability of the current generation's ability to represent the legends that inspired them. For example DJ Danger Mouse combined artist Jay-Z's "The Black Album "with The Beatle's "The White Album" to create The Grey Album; and you've probably turned the radio up as you heard the intro to Don Henley's "Boys of Summer" only to find out that it's a covered version by The Ataris.

But don't forget, many of these bands are still alive and some of them have continued producing music. You can always pick up Guitar Hero III and battle Slash from Guns N' Roses or look up tour dates for Metallica and Sting. In the music industry, it's possible to be a living legend. Just ask The Rolling Stones what it was like to rock out with the dinosaurs when you're at their next concert.

Music was once defined as the food of the soul.

Alltimemusichits.com is a web site that allows the various visitors to watch music videos and lyrics of their favorite songs.

The web site covers a large number of genres of music including rock (Red Hot Chili Peppers), metal, psychedelic rock (Pink Floyd), pop (Tina Turner), grunge (Nirvana) and various other artistes as well.

All time music hits is a site that is reserved for true lovers of music and is thus recommended to all true and genuine music lovers.